A tongue-in-cheek play on the 12 principles of the Agile Manifesto and how most organizations actually do projects and product development

We follow these principles:

1. Prioritize Shareholder Satisfaction Our highest priority is to satisfy the shareholder through consistently strong quarterly earnings.
2. Resist Changes to Requirements Especially late in the development process, as they can disrupt the project plan.
3. Postpone Testing and Integration Focus on developing individual components in isolation, deferring the more expensive testing and integration processes until the final stages.
4. Separate Business and Development Teams Since business people and developers have different perspectives, they should operate in distinct departments.
5. Centralize Around Project Managers Projects should be led by experienced managers, who assign clear tasks to their teams and monitor progress closely.
6. Prefer Written Communication Use written documentation, ideally within a dedicated tool, for clarity and record-keeping.
7. Measure Progress by Task Completion Progress is determined by comparing completed tasks against the project plan.
8. Accept the Need for Crunch Time Expect to work extra hours towards the end of milestones or projects, but ensure teams rest afterward.
9. De-prioritize Quality and Training Under Pressure When under tight deadlines, overlook built quality and engineer training as they are less valued by customers and shareholders.
10. Match Complexity with Complexity Solve complex problems with equally complex solutions.
11. Value Senior Expertise in Design The best architectures, requirements, and designs come from the minds of senior architects and requirements engineers.
12. Learn from Every Project Collect and analyze lessons learned at the conclusion of each project for future improvement.